I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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