just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
