4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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