whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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