the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
