when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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