Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They have beer where we have blood.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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