I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize