We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
