this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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