i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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