i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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