It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
