My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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