my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
