Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
