Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
