So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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