you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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