The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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