Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
