just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
