Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Watching her eat just hurts me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
