She said her name was "party"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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