dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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