3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
