If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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