its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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