I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
