I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
