i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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