I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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