I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
