The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize