I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
