It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
