ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
someone owes me an orgasm
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
