Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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