Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
