Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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