i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
