I can tuck mytits in my pants
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize