Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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