Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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