goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
