return my video game
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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