I hate all girls vehemently.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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