Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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