FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
