What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
