Acid is not a monday night drug
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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