when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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