i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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