I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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