Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
