May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
