there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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