I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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