Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
