Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
