Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
