Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
